A little over a month ago I watched a film called Tick, Tick... Boom on Netflix. It’s a musical based on American composer Jonathan Larson’s life. The last song of the film, Louder than Words was sung passionately by actor Andrew Garfield and really hit me. One lyric especially stuck out to me,
Fear or love, baby
Don’t say the answer
Actions speak louder than words
After the film was finished and I was wiping away tears from my face, I started thinking.
About myself, my deconstruction, my past-self and the conservative/evangelical church.
The more DEI (diversity, equity & inclusion) work I do, the more I see how white supremacy is imbedded into Christianity.
If you are a white person and you think I am lying to you... I encourage you to read Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Ibram X. Kendi & Jason Reynolds. There are suppressed stories within these pages and people that I never learned about in public school, like who the world’s first racist was. Yep, that's documented! Many of the leaders in the early days of the white supremacy movement were pastors in Christian churches.
White supremacy is FEAR based and through time it has tainted Christianity.
The Christianity that I was raised in and identified as until this year (conservative/evangelical) is FEAR based.
Here are a few examples of where I've witnessed this FEAR:
The cross talk
This literally happened at EVERY summer camp I ever went to, weekend camp and honestly the youth pastor would throw it into his sermon rotation every so often. Typically, the pastor re-tells the story of Jesus on the cross, emphasizing that it was YOUR sin that he was bearing (and that you are BAD without him) and the pastor always ends the talk with a decision. Choose to follow Jesus and surrender your life to him OR spend eternity in Hell?
The threat of losing your value & worth if you have pre-marital sex
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING that my conservative/evangelical church said about dating and sex was FEAR based. I didn't date for almost a decade out of the FEAR that I would have pre-marital sex, lose my value and be separated from God.
The threat of eternal damnation a.k.a Hell
This threat was definitely a part of the cross talk AND can be seen in other areas of Christianity as well. I’ve witnessed this threat in countless sermons by multiple lead pastors, youth pastors, children's pastors AND I see this threat in the eyes and bodies of everyone who attends a conservative/evangelical church.
Since separating myself from the conservative/evangelical church, I see anxiety embodied by people that I love, and this makes me terribly sad.
They are feeling...
The anxiety of fitting into the mold of what a Christian should be
(Because in the conservative/evangelical church there’s only one).
Ex. Cisgender, heterosexual, pure & chaste, obedient & submissive
The anxiety of using the Bible as a rulebook and wondering why they're failing as a Christian.
The anxiety of saving souls.
A tangible way that I see this anxiety that I’m talking about is the conservative/evangelical church’s support and payment of highway billboard signs like these.
When I was growing up in the south, I would see these billboards everywhere.
Do the creators of these billboard signs really think this is working? Do they really think they are expanding God’s kingdom this way?
All of these billboards promoting Christianity are based out of FEAR!
If conservative/evangelical churches claim to worship the God of love, why are they using these FEAR tactics?
Again, remember the song I referenced earlier... Actions speak louder than words.
I firmly believe that GOD IS LOVE and that there has to be a better, healthier way to tell people about God instead of scaring them.
I also believe that the conservative/evangelical church as a whole has a FEAR based theology that stems from white supremacy.
This FEAR based theology is harmful, dangerous and provides long term damage to many people (including me).
The evangelical church can be described in many ways, I think this quote by Brenda Marie Davies shows the cracks, flaws & dangers of this type of Christianity.
“One of the problems in evangelicalism is that we’ve passed doctrine down, generation through generation, without much inspection. Our religious predecessors planted the seeds of an anti-gay, anti-woman, pro-capitalistic church... when you catch fire for Jesus and stumble into a dangerous church, you’re handed the fruit of a rotten doctrine and told it tastes delicious. Everyone around you throws their hands to the sky, thanking God for bruised bananas and moldy grapes and you think, “Guess God isn’t as loving as I thought...” But you’ve caught the fire, so you comply with whichever biblical interpretation you’ve been given”.
-On Her Knees: A Memoir of a Prayerful Jezebel
Stamped: Racism, Antiracism & You by: Ibram X. Kendi & Jason Reynolds
On Her Knees: A Memoir of a Prayerful Jezebel by: Brenda Marie Davies
SO INCREDIBLY GOOD!!! I can’t wait to read moreee
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