Are You The Marrying Type?

In my early high school years I had a crush on a boy who in no way liked me back. Our families knew each other and like any other southern Bible-Belt parents, nothing happened at school without their knowledge. One weekend I was riding in his mom’s car going to some school event I suppose and I unknowingly at the time had a life altering conversation. The boy I liked was dating another girl at the time that was openly bi-sexual and everyone knew (even the parents). I remember confiding in her about how confused I was and asked her questions like,

“Why doesn’t he like me?”

Or

“How is it that all my guy friend’s are dating bi-sexual girls?”

Now at this point spiritually I was pretty lukewarm when it came to my faith. But I still found myself in extreme confusion with Christian boys dating bi-sexual girls. I mean none of my Sunday school lessons prepared me for this!

I went through every question in the book regarding homosexuality in The Bible and still saw myself as a straight, single Christian girl surrounded by couples of every gender.

But guys, this story and article is not about homosexuality… it is about what his mom said to me next.

She looked at me in the rearview mirror and said, “But honey, Christian boys don’t marry girls like that”.

(Let’s disregard the fact that the mom told me it’s okay for her son to date a bi-sexual girl but to not marry one.)

I didn’t say anything for the rest of the car ride.

What did that mean I thought. “Boys don’t marry girls like that”.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that it was okay that all my friends were dating bi-sexual girls and having sex with them, because I was the type of girl they would marry. I found temporary comfort that I was “the marrying type” and that it was my job to remain good and pure for my future husband, despite the fact that all of his high school years were possibly filled with dating and sleeping around with numerous girls.

Let me just pause and say how messed up this mindset is.

In that one sentence this mom told my 15-year-old self, 

“Boys will be boys, it’s okay for them to date and have sex with other girls because they can’t control their hormones. But don’t worry Meredith, you keep going to Church and reading your Bible and evolving into a Proverbs 31 woman… then when your older a boy will marry you”.

I have a feeling that I was not the only girl raised in the Church who was indirectly taught this. Through my personal experience in "The Bible Belt" I’ve realized that boys and girls are raised very differently. If a boy sleeps around and dates girls that his parents don’t approve of, everyone overlooks it. On the flip side if a girl were to date a bi-sexual boy and sleep around it would be the talk of the town.

It is deemed acceptable and even expected that teen boys sleep around and date girls that they have no intention of marrying. Then eventually they settle down and marry a nice, boring Christian girl.

By adults in the Church telling young girls that they’re “the marrying type” and they need to wait till boys are older to date, adults are automatically telling girls to not strive for a Godly husband. Adults are telling young girls not to have standards when it comes to the man they marry. Why should girls maintain a good Christian lifestyle when boys their age run by the seam of their pants?

Here’s some peace that I’ve found, if we base our faith off of broken people, our spirituality will crumble. We must base our faith on someone durable and eternal and His name is Jesus. He is our motive to live a righteous, selfless and joyful life. 

So back in my teenage years I thought I had to prepare myself to be a Godly wife, despite the fact that my future husband has probably lost his virginity and not spent his high school years preparing to be a Godly spouse like I did.

It is important for us to let young girls in the Church know that their goal of a relationship with Christ is not to become a “Godly wife”.

The purpose of a relationship with Jesus is to become enraptured by His love, mercy, guidance and realize that He took our place on the cross. I beg adults and parents to not stand by as bystanders while boys date only for pleasure and girls stand in the sidelines waiting for boys to date with intention. Adolescents’ are very impressionable, so much so that one comment about being “the marrying type” can distort their entire view on dating and marriage.

Chasing Jesus Adrenaline

I started to dance when I was four years old. 

My dad was a swimmer and my mom was a dancer, it’s in my genes I guess.

Everyone has an outlet, some people cook or paint and I suppose I’ve been suppressed of mine for the past three years.

There’s this adrenaline that I get when I dance and it’s so addictive that you spend every move trying to chase it.

That’s what I missed the most the past three years.

The panting

Lack of oxygen

Pure exhaustion.

My junior year of College I had a dream one night that I got married. But something was wrong. I wasn’t happy—I was lukewarm about being married. In my eyes a hamster had more value than my new husband. 

Suddenly a young girl about seven years old walked up to me and said, “Your wasted talent”.

Wasted talent…

I’ve had vivid dreams like this before, but this one shook me at my core because it was something I found true in myself. I thought I was wasted talent.

All the years of Technique class

Hairspray

Blood blisters

And plastic trophies were gone. I felt like a College girl who once had promise and potential, but peaked in high school.

I believe God gives signs to help His children, I honestly do. This dream caused me to reflect and re-discover my true self. Through prayer and The New York Crusade by Billy Graham God told me to move to New York. I have never had such peace in my heart about a decision.

This is just another case of The Shepherd gathering a lost sheep I guess. He drew me back in and I had only one thing to do—dance.

So now at age 22 I’m choosing to dance.

I’m choosing to use the feet My Father has given me.

I’m choosing to depend on Him to provide for me financially after College.

I’m choosing to dance and praise Him.

And I’m choosing to release the world’s view of success altogether.

If I don’t do this, If I don’t move to New York and dance, I’m neglecting my true identity, my identity in Christ and Jesus' call for my life. He instilled a passion inside me and I have to respond. I have to minister to others and tell them about a God who has saved me and rescued me numerous times.

I must declare to all the world

I am a daughter of The King

I am a messenger of The Gospel.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock, my Redeemer.

The F-Bomb In Christianity

A few weeks ago I watched a College baseball game- quite possibly the longest game I've ever watched (14 innings worth). Both of the teams were from prestigious Universities with an equally talented roster. Through all the excitement of strikes, home runs and base hits, I found my attention was not on the athletes talent, but their behavior.

It's no surprise to me that athletes curse. It comes with the game right? It's acceptable and even expected for athletes to cuss when they strike out, miss a pitch or find themselves failing. In the ESPN play backs I could clearly see a disgruntled player's lips mouth the F-bomb over and over again.
I've heard every excuse in the book for cussing in sports:
Your in the zone
It doesn't matter
It slips out
You don't even think about it
It's a game
All athletes cuss in sports

But my question is...why is that?

Whether the teams were winning or losing the F-bomb was the most popular form of expression. But what hurt my heart the most was the shiny silver cross displayed on many of the player's necks.

By wearing this cross these athletes affiliated themselves with Christ. The cross necklace is a sign that these players believe in Jesus, regardless of their relationship's status (lukeworm or extreme pharisee). I do not know each of the players, so I don't know their testimony or their personal walk with Christ.

But I do know that wearing the cross necklace while cussing shows our brokenness as humans.
Our brokenness is true and God knows it.
But to people here on earth, they don't see what God sees, they see hypocritical human beings.

I don't know a lot of answers to many things. But I do know what the cross represents and some of the players wore it on their neck on game night...

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me". -Galations 2:20

Let me take a step back here...
I acknowledge that we as humans are broken and sinful people.
Christians are broken people.
But I've always wondered where this cursing stems from.

The real problem comes from the heart. The problem is not our mouth. As genuine followers of Christ we need to reflect Christ's character through our words (Matthew 12: 34b).
My purpose of this blog is not to condemn baseball players, but to remind all of us that as Christians Christ lives in us and our actions always reflect on Him. We are called to live above reproach as Christians and this includes our speech and our actions.

I think sometimes we forget the severity of the cross or how heavy a burden Jesus carried for us over 2,000 years ago. His sacrifice should transform us in how we live our daily lives. Taming our tongues should not be a restriction on our way of living, but a gateway to living the life that is truly life (1 Timothy 6:19).

A cross around our necks should be a daily reminder that because of Jesus' sacrifice, Christ lives in us and He is the anchor and foundation of our everyday decisions. We serve a loving and merciful God, so even when we cuss, God still loves us, but brothers and sisters if we, "deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left" -Hebrews 10:26

So when it comes to baseball, I'm still going to watch it on TV and go to games. However, I pray that Christians on baseball teams feel some conviction each time they cuss during games and decide to turn their faces toward The Holy One. I hope players choose to minister to not only their teammates, but the fans in the stadium and on the other side of the TV screen.

In the Midst of Marriages

Like any 21-year-old I have friends with

boyfriends, fiancé’s and husbands. 

I have always been the “single friend” and I used to see this as a bad thing. Now I see this label from a completely different perspective… Jesus’ perspective.

 Right now in my life I am not focusing on falling in love or finding my husband, getting a “hot bod” to attract a husband or activating a Christian Mingle account… NO!

I am focusing on my friendships and what it means to be a friend.  Until now I don’t think I truly knew what it meant to be a friend to others.

 Sure I knew the world’s version: friend’s share secrets, trust each other, make each other laugh, are exclusive and in conflict they either avoid one another or scream really loud until someone cries!

In College I have met some extraordinary friends and through the years my friendships have been growing and deepening. I have noticed through my friend’s actions and Scripture what it means to be a true friend.

1    #1 A friend must be selfless when it comes to doing things you don’t like to do. For example, one of your friends may LOVE to be outside and go camping. That may not be your idea of a good time, but you will sacrifice your time because you love your friend and want to bring them joy.

2    #2  Being intentional with each other is very VERY important! If you are not setting aside time to hang out with one of your friends or seeking them out, then what are you doing? If your not keeping up with their daily struggles or joys, than you’re missing out on adding depth to y’alls friendship. Now some of my best friends are states away at College and in order for me to see how they’re doing or get an update on their life, I have to schedule phone dates with them. This may seem silly or uptight, but if I didn’t schedule these phone dates I would get too caught up with my life here in Florida and not even remember to check up on my friends back home. If we don’t seek out each other and we settle for convenience that is a sign that we as their friend do not care about them and we only care about ourselves.

3   #3  If you are a true friend and sister in Christ, you must be honest. One of my biggest struggles is being passive aggressive when it comes to confrontation. So I really have to lean on Jesus when these moments come up. So far in College I have lived with EIGHT girls and if you don’t think there was any confrontation… you have another thing coming. With these different roommates and experiences Jesus has revealed to me that there is a loving way to confront someone with a problem, now you can’t always plan on your friend or roommate being receptive to what you have to say, but you can pray for them and control what comes out of your mouth!

 #4  This then leads into accountability dun DUN DUNNN!!! As fellow believers we are called to be accountable with one another in our faith. But that ain’t always easy. I’ve had friends in the past that beg for accountability when things are smooth sailing, but then when the hurricanes and heavy winds come in their life and I hold them accountable they get extremely defensive and consider me judgmental. 

SIGH

On the other hand I have had friends who are my accountability partners who absolutely love when I call them out on something that I know and they know they shouldn’t do. It’s almost like a warning signal… our accountability partners are the yellow light cautioning us to stop or slow down when we encounter things that will make us stumble in our faith.

I honestly think that this is such a beautiful time in my life where I can focus on finding my identity in Christ and becoming a true friend to others. I have friends that are in completely different seasons than me, like keeping Christ as the center of their relationship with their boyfriend or becoming a wife and meshing two lives together with God as their foundation.

None of these seasons are superior to one another, each one is iron sharping iron (Proverbs 27:17). So there’s no need to see being “the single friend” as a negative thing.

Now when it comes to being single let me say this…

I wouldn’t say “I’m comfortable in my single-ness” or “I’m waiting for God to lead me to my husband”.

UGH, forget that! Those quotes make me want to gag!

I will say I am comfortable in being God’s daughter and His alone. 

I’ve never been so content or happy with being His child than I am now.

If I spend my life “waiting” for another man or “waiting” to call someone else my bae, I would have missed out on the best and most perfect love there is: 

The love between a child and her maker.

(If you want to read more about the concept of not spending your life “waiting” Please read I'm not waiting anymore this blog changed my entire outlook on life ).

I have comes to terms with the fact that I may never get married. There I said it!

I might be like Paul and glorify God to the best of my ability without a ring on my finger. 

God might have wonderful adventures planned for Him and me alone and 

hey… that sounds pretty exciting!

But… Don’t get me wrong, if there comes a time where I find a man who loves the Lord more than himself or me and wants to re-create the whole Songs of Solomon thing and get married, I will gladly live that life and glorify God in that marriage. But right now I’m going to find comfort, confidence and restoration in being the King’s daughter and radiating 

His essence 

His light 

& His love through my life and how I treat the ones around me.

Thank you to my soul sisters out there... You know who you are

Salvation Pennies

It all started at Wyldlife camp, the summer of 2014. Everywhere I went I saw Pennies—forgotten pennies left on the concrete in the scorching sun losing their luster. Regardless if they were heads up I always picked the penny up and put it in my pocket. Maybe I valued the penny because of how I was raised or the fact that I’m a poor college student… nevertheless I picked up the pennies. Throughout camp when I planned to have a quiet time or spend time praying over my campers, my thoughts kept stumbling back to all the pennies in my pocket!

Why was I finding so many pennies?

Was Jesus trying to tell me something about my faith or just help me fill my piggy bank?

I kept thinking about the significance of a penny.

It’s just 1 cent

So compared to the other coins it is considered less valuable. But just because it’s less in value does that mean it should lose total significance?

My parents always taught me the “EVERY PENNY COUNTS” motto, so even as a middle schooler I understood the concept that one penny gradually leads to many pennies and many pennies led to a trip to McDonalds.

Still, I was curious, why did all these middle school kids in front of me not value the significance of a single penny? After a long meditation on the penny itself I figured out that the penny stood for something far greater than 1 cent.

In the south or Bible belt, kids grow up hearing the Gospel, hearing the story about Jesus dying on the cross and loving them unconditionally. In some cases kids hear it so much before even accepting Christ that the concept of Jesus loses it’s significance altogether. They know of Jesus—but when it comes to WHO HE IS they are left silent. 

(silent middle schoolers? What a sight).

In their eyes Jesus is just another penny on the concrete—an insignificant deity that does not relate or apply to their daily lives.

BUT, there is still hope for the penny! Despite the penny’s insignificance to the kids, these pennies were everywhere! 

I found pennies by the pool, on the sidewalk, in the showers, under bunk beds and even in the sand by the canoes. The presence of the pennies was evident just like the Lord’s presence at the camp. Even though some kids saw Jesus as insignificant to their lives or even a watered down version of Santa Claus—

His aroma was omnipresent and clear.

His presence was powerfully proven to me through the number of pennies found across camp.

Through these lost pennies I realized there is significance found in Jesus Christ. It is our duty and honor as believers to help the younger generation fully understand and experience Him personally in their lives.

Even if the kids don’t decide to accept Jesus’s gift and “pick up the penny”, the gift will always be there and it will always be THEIR choice if they want to accept it or not.