In the past month and a half I have been extremely thankful, alone, injured, unemployed and overwhelmingly in awe of who God is. In about one week the Lord completely changed my life here in New York by blessing me with not only one but two jobs.
When I first moved to New York I was so thankful to God for providing me with a place to live. Honestly it was a long time coming and when I finally stepped into my apartment I felt spiritually exhausted from the prayer and preparation it took to get there.
But soon the excitement went away and the city began the process of “breaking me down to build me up” a process that my new roommates and I know all too well.
At first it seemed like everything that could go wrong… went wrong!
I got injured, I couldn’t find a part time job and I had no community to lean on (now I do, don’t worry).
When it came to my injury I had to go to physical therapy and was told by doctors that I could not dance. I was so discouraged, I came to New York to dance and I was told I couldn’t dance for 4 weeks. In those weeks I felt like I had no purpose and as time went on I was growing more and more doubtful about why God brought me to the city.
I doubted everything that I thought God had told me. I feared that I had been blinded by my own ambition and maybe perhaps the Lord didn’t want me to come to New York.
Maybe moving here was a mistake.
Maybe I misunderstood what God wanted for me.
These questions plagued my thoughts and I felt like I had already failed within the first month of moving to New York.
For one month and 11 days I was living off of money I saved from college. I ate like a mouse and just by breathing in New York I could physically feel my bank account dwindling. I applied to jobs, went on interviews and was repeatedly turned away. It didn’t matter that I had a bachelor’s degree, it didn’t matter that I had great recommendations and it didn’t matter that I was a Young Life leader. The city had a way of making me feel completely inadequate and my only salvation was Jesus and the people He had blessed me with.
For one month and 11 days I cried. I went from having an overwhelming amount of spiritual community in Florida to having nothing at all. The transition from college to adult life was and is extremely painful and not easy to deal with.
For one month and 11 days I found refuge in the book of Psalms and at many times felt just like David. Moments of pure thankfulness would quickly turn to moments of isolation and darkness. I read Psalm 23-30 repeatedly and I felt like everything David wrote I could relate and find comfort in. Many times I could not even attempt to articulate how I felt and I would open Psalm 38 and feel completely understood by David’s words.
There was one day where every worried, afraid and anxious thought I’ve ever had hit me all at once and I had a panic attack. I found myself on the wooden floor in silence for a solid amount of time after. I was so weak hearted and felt defeated, but at the same time I had such a longing for Jesus.
I opened my Bible and just sobbed.
“All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you” –Psalm 38:9
“My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes” –Psalm 38:10
The Lord renewed my trust in Him that day and more than ever I realized my need for Him. With every breath, with every dollar earned, with every trial and blessing I needed God.
In a few days I received an interview to teach dance to students in Harlem and I was thrilled! Right before I entered the building for my interview I saw Psalm 23 carved onto a fountain and my spirit felt peace. God was there and it was no coincidence that Psalm 23 was on that fountain. I looked up the verse and was assured of His promises.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need” –Psalm 23:1
After one month and 12 days The Lord blessed me with a job. I was joyful and filled with so much gratefulness to God. It is by the Lord’s hand that I received a job that I never thought I’d have. Never would I have thought that I would be teaching middle school students in Harlem how to dance. But the Lord has changed the desires of my heart and I know that this is where Our God wants me.
I went to my first theatre audition that same week and low and behold Our Father blessed me with a performance job. God has gifted me with an opportunity to dance in a musical on stage and bring joy to others. Guys this is the desire of my heart and this journey has been divinely ordained by the Lord.
I am amazed by who God is and I’m at a loss for words. All I can do is give Him the highest praise. He has graciously heard my cries, answered my prayers and brought my dreams of joining ministry and dancing to light.
I cannot wait to see what Our Father has in store for His Kingdom and how He will use the people of New York. I have met such faithful and passionate believers in the city and honestly feel as if every believer in New York is a missionary for Jesus Christ.
Thank you to everyone who prayed for my interviews and auditions!
I appreciate your love, I appreciate your prayers and kind words, but most of all I’m appreciative that the Lord made you all… my friends and family. I would have been even more of an emotional wreck if I had not received y’alls letters and phone calls.
“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living”. –Psalm 27:13
