I grew up in a non-denominational, conservative church in a conservative family. I identified as a conservative Christian until 2019. I started going to a church at that time that encouraged me to be curious and ask questions about the Bible.
“Is that even allowed?”
In the last few weeks, I’ve been deconstructing everything I thought I believed and it has been one of the most freeing experiences of my life.
The conservative church has lied to me.
They lied to me about how to view the Bible & what sexual immortality really is.
The conservative church told me that the Bible is very clear.
Everything is black & white.
There is only one interpretation of the scriptures and the scriptures are taken literally.
This is a lie.
I always felt like a failing Christian because I was looking at the Bible as a rulebook and not as a book of wisdom. The Old Testament refers to wisdom as a path or a way... which involves risk, learning & stumbling. I have the freedom to decide what to do with that wisdom. This interpretation is explained much more thoroughly in Peter Enn’s book How the Bible Actually Works.
There is one thing that I can confidently say that the conservative church does really well and that is taking scripture completely out of context to support their personal beliefs.
This now leads me to how the conservative church defines sexual immorality.
Sexual immorality (according to the conservative church) is doing ANYTHING sexual outside of marriage.
Because of this I’m supposed to save myself for marriage and if I don’t, I will lose parts of myself each time I have sex along with my worth and value.
The term “save yourself for marriage” is not biblical AND the conservative church idolizes it as so.
I had nightmares from middle school to early college of getting pregnant out of wedlock. I would wake up frantic and touch my stomach immediately to make sure I wasn’t pregnant.
I dated once at 18 years old and did not go on another date until I was 27 years old. That is almost 10 years of not dating based on a fear of possibly having pre-marital sex.
I never questioned the conservative church’s definition of sexual immorality because they presented it as THE TRUTH.
Sexual immorality comes from the Greek word porneia
The Apostle Paul never defines sexual immorality in the Bible.
Thanks a lot Paul.
It has been interpreted by many Christians. In many different ways.
The interpretation that makes the most sense to me comes from this article Relax. You and Your Girlfriend are not "Living in Sin." - Beyond Chastity
The article shows how porneia changed over time from the pagan Greeks to the Christian Romans.
In the article they share that the literal meaning of of porneia is “the act of selling oneself”.
This includes prostitution, incest, rape and any act of cheapened, commodified or objectified sex.
I want the conservative church to take ownership and be honest. Your interpretation of sexual immorality is just that... an interpretation.
STOP presenting this interpretation as THE TRUTH.
Your interpretation has caused me years of shame, self-hatred, an eating disorder and so much more that I haven’t uncovered yet in therapy.
STOP.
I’m writing this post for my conservative sisters who have not been allowed to question the bible or to be curious and might feel stuck. The conservative church is lying to you. A lot of the rules and restrictions you have been living by are man-made and based on one interpretation of the Bible.
If we indeed live in the land of the free (which the conservative church reminds me of ALL the time) then why didn’t the conservative church give me the freedom to think for myself?
In this time of deconstructing the faith I once knew, I feel like I’m starting to know the real God for the first time and man, He is way more loving than I was taught.
Resources:
How the Bible Actually Works by Peter Enns
On Her Knees: Memoir of A Prayerful Jezebel by Brenda Marie Davies
Sex, God and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy by Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD
Articles from Beyond Chastity:
