Like any 21-year-old I have friends with
boyfriends, fiancé’s and husbands.
I have always been the “single friend” and I used to
see this as a bad thing. Now I see this label from a completely different
perspective… Jesus’ perspective.
I am focusing on my friendships and what it means to be a
friend. Until now I don’t think I truly
knew what it meant to be a friend to others.
Sure I knew the world’s version:
friend’s share secrets, trust each other, make each other laugh, are exclusive
and in conflict they either avoid one another or scream really loud until
someone cries!
In College I have met some extraordinary friends and through
the years my friendships have been growing and deepening. I have noticed
through my friend’s actions and Scripture what it means to be a true friend.
1 #1 A friend must be selfless when it comes to doing
things you don’t like to do. For example, one of your friends may LOVE to be
outside and go camping. That may not be your idea of a good time, but you will
sacrifice your time because you love your friend and want to bring them joy.
2 #2 Being intentional with each other is very VERY
important! If you are not setting aside time to hang out with one of your
friends or seeking them out, then what are you doing? If your not keeping up
with their daily struggles or joys, than you’re missing out on adding depth to
y’alls friendship. Now some of my best friends are states away at College and
in order for me to see how they’re doing or get an update on their life, I have
to schedule phone dates with them. This may seem silly or uptight, but if I
didn’t schedule these phone dates I would get too caught up with my life here
in Florida and not even remember to check up on my friends back home. If we
don’t seek out each other and we settle for convenience that is a sign that we
as their friend do not care about them and we only care about ourselves.
3 #3 If you are a true friend and sister in Christ,
you must be honest. One of my biggest struggles is being passive aggressive
when it comes to confrontation. So I really have to lean on Jesus when these
moments come up. So far in College I have lived with EIGHT girls and if you
don’t think there was any confrontation… you have another thing coming. With
these different roommates and experiences Jesus has revealed to me that there
is a loving way to confront someone with a problem, now you can’t always plan
on your friend or roommate being receptive to what you have to say, but you can
pray for them and control what comes out of your mouth!
#4 This then leads into accountability dun DUN
DUNNN!!! As fellow believers we are called to be accountable with one another
in our faith. But that ain’t always easy. I’ve had friends in the past that beg
for accountability when things are smooth sailing, but then when the hurricanes
and heavy winds come in their life and I hold them accountable they get
extremely defensive and consider me judgmental.
SIGH
On the other hand I have had friends who
are my accountability partners who absolutely love when I call them out on
something that I know and they know they shouldn’t do. It’s almost like a
warning signal… our accountability partners are the yellow light cautioning us
to stop or slow down when we encounter things that will make us stumble in our
faith.
I honestly think that this is such a
beautiful time in my life where I can focus on finding my identity in Christ
and becoming a true friend to others. I have friends that are in completely
different seasons than me, like keeping Christ as the center of their relationship
with their boyfriend or becoming a wife and meshing two lives together with God
as their foundation.
None of these seasons are superior to one
another, each one is iron sharping iron (Proverbs 27:17). So there’s no need to
see being “the single friend” as a negative thing.
Now when it comes to being single let me
say this…
I wouldn’t say “I’m comfortable in my
single-ness” or “I’m waiting for God to lead me to my husband”.
UGH, forget that! Those quotes make me want
to gag!
I will say I am comfortable in being God’s
daughter and His alone.
I’ve never been so content or happy with being His
child than I am now.
If I spend my life “waiting” for another
man or “waiting” to call someone else my bae, I would have missed out on the
best and most perfect love there is:
The love between a child and her maker.
(If you want to read more about the concept
of not spending your life “waiting” Please read I'm not waiting anymore this blog changed my entire outlook
on life ).
I have comes to terms with the fact that I
may never get married. There I said it!
I might be like Paul and glorify God to the best of my ability
without a ring on my finger.
God might have wonderful adventures planned for
Him and me alone and
hey… that sounds pretty exciting!
But… Don’t get me wrong, if there comes a
time where I find a man who loves the Lord more than himself or me and wants to
re-create the whole Songs of Solomon thing and get married, I will gladly live
that life and glorify God in that marriage. But right now I’m going to find
comfort, confidence and restoration in being the King’s daughter and radiating
His essence
His light
& His love through my life and how I treat the ones around me.
Thank you to my soul sisters out there... You know who you are
