In the Midst of Marriages

Like any 21-year-old I have friends with

boyfriends, fiancé’s and husbands. 

I have always been the “single friend” and I used to see this as a bad thing. Now I see this label from a completely different perspective… Jesus’ perspective.

 Right now in my life I am not focusing on falling in love or finding my husband, getting a “hot bod” to attract a husband or activating a Christian Mingle account… NO!

I am focusing on my friendships and what it means to be a friend.  Until now I don’t think I truly knew what it meant to be a friend to others.

 Sure I knew the world’s version: friend’s share secrets, trust each other, make each other laugh, are exclusive and in conflict they either avoid one another or scream really loud until someone cries!

In College I have met some extraordinary friends and through the years my friendships have been growing and deepening. I have noticed through my friend’s actions and Scripture what it means to be a true friend.

1    #1 A friend must be selfless when it comes to doing things you don’t like to do. For example, one of your friends may LOVE to be outside and go camping. That may not be your idea of a good time, but you will sacrifice your time because you love your friend and want to bring them joy.

2    #2  Being intentional with each other is very VERY important! If you are not setting aside time to hang out with one of your friends or seeking them out, then what are you doing? If your not keeping up with their daily struggles or joys, than you’re missing out on adding depth to y’alls friendship. Now some of my best friends are states away at College and in order for me to see how they’re doing or get an update on their life, I have to schedule phone dates with them. This may seem silly or uptight, but if I didn’t schedule these phone dates I would get too caught up with my life here in Florida and not even remember to check up on my friends back home. If we don’t seek out each other and we settle for convenience that is a sign that we as their friend do not care about them and we only care about ourselves.

3   #3  If you are a true friend and sister in Christ, you must be honest. One of my biggest struggles is being passive aggressive when it comes to confrontation. So I really have to lean on Jesus when these moments come up. So far in College I have lived with EIGHT girls and if you don’t think there was any confrontation… you have another thing coming. With these different roommates and experiences Jesus has revealed to me that there is a loving way to confront someone with a problem, now you can’t always plan on your friend or roommate being receptive to what you have to say, but you can pray for them and control what comes out of your mouth!

 #4  This then leads into accountability dun DUN DUNNN!!! As fellow believers we are called to be accountable with one another in our faith. But that ain’t always easy. I’ve had friends in the past that beg for accountability when things are smooth sailing, but then when the hurricanes and heavy winds come in their life and I hold them accountable they get extremely defensive and consider me judgmental. 

SIGH

On the other hand I have had friends who are my accountability partners who absolutely love when I call them out on something that I know and they know they shouldn’t do. It’s almost like a warning signal… our accountability partners are the yellow light cautioning us to stop or slow down when we encounter things that will make us stumble in our faith.

I honestly think that this is such a beautiful time in my life where I can focus on finding my identity in Christ and becoming a true friend to others. I have friends that are in completely different seasons than me, like keeping Christ as the center of their relationship with their boyfriend or becoming a wife and meshing two lives together with God as their foundation.

None of these seasons are superior to one another, each one is iron sharping iron (Proverbs 27:17). So there’s no need to see being “the single friend” as a negative thing.

Now when it comes to being single let me say this…

I wouldn’t say “I’m comfortable in my single-ness” or “I’m waiting for God to lead me to my husband”.

UGH, forget that! Those quotes make me want to gag!

I will say I am comfortable in being God’s daughter and His alone. 

I’ve never been so content or happy with being His child than I am now.

If I spend my life “waiting” for another man or “waiting” to call someone else my bae, I would have missed out on the best and most perfect love there is: 

The love between a child and her maker.

(If you want to read more about the concept of not spending your life “waiting” Please read I'm not waiting anymore this blog changed my entire outlook on life ).

I have comes to terms with the fact that I may never get married. There I said it!

I might be like Paul and glorify God to the best of my ability without a ring on my finger. 

God might have wonderful adventures planned for Him and me alone and 

hey… that sounds pretty exciting!

But… Don’t get me wrong, if there comes a time where I find a man who loves the Lord more than himself or me and wants to re-create the whole Songs of Solomon thing and get married, I will gladly live that life and glorify God in that marriage. But right now I’m going to find comfort, confidence and restoration in being the King’s daughter and radiating 

His essence 

His light 

& His love through my life and how I treat the ones around me.

Thank you to my soul sisters out there... You know who you are