A Period of Ellipsis

When I lost my purse exactly a week ago I freaked out. The story of how I lost it is not the purpose of this blog post. I want to emphasize more on how my relationship with Jesus changed and how I will never pray the same ever again.

Before I realized my purse was lost I was at Celebration Church eager to hear one of my favorite people, Christine Caine speak. In her sermon I remember feeling convicted about giving-

Giving to others,

Giving to the Church

And giving to people I don’t know.

One thing I’ve always lacked in is tithing to my Father’s house. I always clinch onto the money I make in tips and think, “But I NEED this money for myself”.

Immediately after the sermon I was on a Jesus high and despite the night’s cold air I felt the warmth of the Holy Spirit- AND honestly I was stoked that I had just heard Christine Caine speak! But when I got home my mood drastically changed. My joy turned into anger and that warmth from the Holy Spirit I was talking about went lukewarm.

The next day I tried to retrace my footsteps and went to an apartment complex I had been at the day I lost my purse. I found nothing. As I sat alone in my car, in silence, I thought, “Jesus what will happen if I never find my wallet?”

Then the cranky three year old in me busted out, I cried, I screamed and I cried some more.

            Let’s just say I was angry and unfazed by the people in the lanes next to me on the road (sorry). I kept asking Jesus how He wanted me to react to this situation. I wanted to honor Him in this process…but man it was hard! I was so frustrated as to what to do next or how to act. Then ironically Praise you in the storm by Casting Crowns came on the radio—oddly enough that song didn’t comfort me at all, if anything I was angrier than before. At this point in the car ride I was weeping and for a solid five minutes I repeated,

“Help me Jesus, you’re the only one who can help me”.

I don’t know if you have ever encountered a state of desperation, but this was mine. In this simple drive back home it was like the floodgates opened and I confessed all my insecurities to Jesus and every negative thought I had about myself. I told Him how disappointed I was in myself for losing so many valuable items—and how irresponsible I felt when I had to call my parents to tell them what I did. Even old insecurities that Jesus had already wiped away came rushing in and I knew this was Satan trying to work his way into my mind.

I don’t know how long I was in my car, but when I got home I planked on my bed and immediately fell asleep.

On the following day I went on a walk around my neighborhood. Now before spring semester began I started reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and he talks about the battle of Jericho early on in the book, so I decided to make my own march around Jericho in my neighborhood. I walked slowly and decided to pray through the situation of losing my purse and not just pray for it (Batterson, 2012). I made a prayer circle around my purse and the person who could potentially find it. I knew that Jesus Christ was capable of anything and He was the only person who could lead me to my lost purse. I prayed through many things on my walk, particularly my relationship with Jesus.

During Christmas I realized that I wanted to grow in my prayer life—I desperately wanted my prayer life to be abundant and continuous.

Through this walk the Lord gave me the ability to accept that I was not going to find my purse at that time. It’s almost like He told me, “Meredith, it’s time to move on…let it go and de-activate all your cards”. On my last circle around the neighborhood I noticed a word engraved in the cement. I stopped to read it…and then I saw what my anxious heart had been searching for all along the word PEACE.

The third day erupted with even more challenges; for instance, I had no money or I.D. to prove who I was. After a couple of 1-(800) calls to the bank I had reached my limit. There was no way to get money out of the bank. Once again I found myself crying—but not in my car, on the wooden floor in my house. I had no idea what to do and felt like I was at a dead end. Thankfully God blessed me with an amazing best friend/roommate who sat down by my side and scooped me out of my dead end. She took charge and helped me figure out a plan.

Many more events followed, I filed a police report and finally got a new school I.D. and rent money out of the bank. I have never prayed so much in my life and Mark Batterson even says, “It’s hard times that teach us to pray hard”. But wait a minute, I wonder what would happen if I prayed this continuously in my everyday life? If I surrendered to God as often as I did when I lost my wallet.

This all happened in one-week and I learned way more than just one thing about prayer.

Finding joy in the trials and problems of our lives is hard (James 1:2), it’s hard not to complain, whine or be angry with God. It’s hard to stay positive, but Ty (best friend) reminded me that I shouldn’t feel guilty for having emotions. God understands that some circumstances we face are just plain awful and gut-wrenching. He knows how we work, He knows how difficult it is for us to let go and not hold onto bitterness.

It took me losing my purse, wallet and money to gain a better understanding of prayer. I don’t know where this trial came from, it could be…

A curveball from God

A scheme from the devil trying to separate me from my Father and steal my joy

Or it could be an event that just happened because we live in a broken world that isn’t perfect.

Wherever this trial came from, I don’t care because

I’m still going to go to Church

I’m still going to read scripture

I’m still going to praise Jesus Christ

I’m still going to love him

And YES I’m still going to proclaim Him as my savior.

Just so you know I still haven’t found my purse, but I’m still praying that God will bring it to me. It might be a month from now, a year, or never. But I’m content with that.

 If you don’t believe in Jesus, you probably think I’m crazy.

I mean I prayed really hard and yet still no purse.

What the heck?!

I don’t think my prayers went unanswered, there is still plenty of time for God to answer my prayers, but maybe not in the way that I want them answered.

“We stop praying because we can’t see any tangible difference with our natural eyes”. 

–Mark Batterson

If there’s anything I have learned about myself this week, it’s that I demand prayers to be answered my time, my way and when I don’t see “my results” I give up.

After we pray and we’re waiting for God to answer, this is called a period of ellipsis (A pause in speech or an unfinished thought). I think this is SO COOL! This proves to me that we are always in a conversation with the Lord… so much so that He pauses and waits before He answers our prayers.

“Prayer isn’t a monologue, it’s a dialogue”. –Mark Batterson